


Nightmares

by Rarae



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Angst, Depressed Juno Steel, Depression, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Juno Steel Needs a Hug, M/M, Minor Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel, So much angst, i am new to writing fanfic so please be kind, i meant for there to be fluff or comfort but it didnt happen, maybe in the future, sorry for the shit title
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 12:44:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16913103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rarae/pseuds/Rarae
Summary: Juno thought this would be an average case but it takes him down memory lane in the worst kind of way, sending him spiraling.





	Nightmares

Juno honestly couldn’t believe that his couch was still standing after all it had been through. It was honestly more surprising than the tattered and ancient bedframe still being relatively stable and upright. He laid there, surrounded by empty bottles and heaps of garbage that he just couldn’t muster up the energy to move, covered in sweat and unable to turn off the endlessly circling thoughts. Forget the analogy of trains going off their tracks. Juno’s thoughts were more like vultures, circling and circling and circling and never once giving him peace.

It was his own fault, of course. He could take better care of himself, stop drinking, talk to a friend, stop thinking about Nureyev, just stop period. But he was too much of a coward. The nightmares might be bad but the unknown was worse.

Tonight was worse, almost. The case had taken him to Oldtown where memories he’d rather forget were tucked into each dark corner just waiting for him to stumble upon. Some old bat had gotten her stupid poodle stolen so he had to drag himself around the whole fucking city looking for the idiots who felt that they’d be better off stealing dogs instead of art or gold or something less so stupendously annoying.

And of course he ended up back in his old neighborhood, which was long abandoned due to property mismanagement, mold, and a host of other things the city couldn’t be bothered to care about or fix.

The apartment building looked even gloomier than it had all those years ago. The siding was coming down, ivey was covering the broken windows, and the whole area had a gloom of despair. But this is where the thieves were hiding out. It was pretty smart of them actually. No one else would want to stay in a building that ran the risk of collapsing at any second and killing you and your score along with it.

But Juno needed the money and he had already taken the case so, like an idiot, he walked in.

He walked through the familiar halls, beating off old memories with a stick all the while. The whole building was covered in dust and decay except for one. Of course it was that one. Why would it ever be any other apartment? 355b. The place where Juno went through hell and where Ben went to hell. Not really hell though, not for him. Never for Ben. Ben was so much better than that, better than Juno could ever be at any rate.

Juno cracked open the door and peered in. The thieves were laying on discarded boxes, high as the motherfucking moons, congratulating themselves on managing to get away scot free after stealing the most prized show dog in all of Mars. They crooned about how clever they were, how brilliant, how resourceful for thinking of this place to make their hideout.

Juno walked in with his gun at the ready, mentally prepared for any resistance these idiots could offer. Even idiots could get lucky. And fuck this place brought back memories. The kitchen where Mom would burn bacon for breakfast, the living room, still reeking of imagined and all too real blood, the door that led to her office. But the time for dealing with all of that not now, not ever.

The drug-addled thieves thought that Juno with his eyepatch and rough appearance, evidence of years of neglect, was one of them. They let him take the dog and the suitcase full of ill gained cash after he promised that he would be back after counting it. Idiots.

The dog went to Mrs. Martinez, the money went to the Hyperion Police Department, and Juno went home.

Juno laid on the couch, depressed, a little drunk, and full of regret. Regret for Benzaiten and for fucking Nureyev. He abandoned them both because he couldn’t get his shit together and here he is, right where he belongs. In a falling-apart apartment, surround by garbage, and so completely alone, thinking of all the things he could have done to prevent it all.

The nightmares didn’t distinguish between the two. Ben and Nureyev, Nureyev and Ben. They’re both the same in the end, aren’t they? People who Juno let down and left.

As Juno stared down the liquor was bottle he couldn’t help but think of them. He always was a sad drunk. Sad sober too, but that was neither here nor there. Juno just wanted to lay here miserable, wallowing in past mistakes and future regrets. Maybe one day he’d get the chance to make things right with Nureyev, but he doubted it. Things like that didn’t happen to people like him. But for now he had is alcohol, his couch, and his nightmares and that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a kudos or comment if you enjoyed it!


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